The book is about ready to launch!

I'm honestly really excited about this book. I think it's a book we need (but not before needing the gospel). We are continually walking further and further away from God. The world is getting darker the more we shun God out of our lives and society. And you don't have to look far to see it.

We as women are hiding in shame and embarassment and guilt from our sexual struggles. God made us sexual beings, it's a fact. Struggles are real but we need to remind ourselves we are NOT alone in the battles we face. Satan wants us to feel the guilt and shame we feel. He wants us to feel alone in the dark. He wants us to stay silent on these issues.

Here's what the authors have to say:

"The more we chase after God’s good design, the more the fog will lift. The more the confusion will clear up. The more we chase after our Savior, the more He will satisfy us in ways nothing on this earth ever could.

As you read through the pages of this book, here’s what you’ll discover:

• A Biblical understanding of your sexuality,

• God’s good design for love, passion, and sex,

• Why your longings for intimacy are actually a good thing,

• How to conquer lust in your life,

• What God’s word teaches about porn, masturbation, and erotica,

• How to deal with secret sexual struggles,

• Practical help for embracing a life of purity,

• How to find ultimate satisfaction in Jesus,

• And much more.

Regardless of where you’ve been or what you’re facing today, we're excited you’re reading this book. We pray that the truths of God’s word transform your life like they have ours." -Kristen and Bethany

The deal: Pre-order by April 29th ( ONLY DAYS LEFT) and you will receive the following freebies. Check it out! And stay tuned. I have begun to read this book and will have a review in a few days. Do yourself a favour and click on the link and to see what I'm on about. We need each other to bring these issues to the light and pour God's truth on them so we do not feel guilt or shame anymore!

https://www.girldefined.com/sex-purity-and-longings

Do you think Modesty is Beautiful?

I originally wrote this post last year for my old church, The Point Community Church. I am now sharing this to hopefully and prayerfully encourage you.

Modesty. A topic where the finger gets pointed but responsibility isn’t owned. A topic which society pushes to the sidelines. A word that the Bible pictures as beautiful, but that evokes ‘ugliness’ today.  As society becomes more sexualised, ‘modest’ clothing becomes more associated with ‘boring' and ‘old-fashioned’. 

Growing up, I had a very limited understanding of what modesty meant and looked like in day-to-day life. I did not learn the value of my body and the power of my clothing. I often walked out of the house without a care about what I was wearing.  I was far more focused on who I could impress that day. I became very obsessed with my self-image and did not treat my body with any respect.  I had little understanding of how precious my body is.

Now in my mid-twenties, I am seeking to understand how modesty fits into my life.  Part of my journey has been to study God’s Word and various Christian authors’ views on the topic. I have been challenged to figure out where I stand.  I have discovered that being modest in today’s ‘dress to impress’ society requires wisdom AND the fear of God over fear of man.

Modesty stems from the heart. How we treat our bodies including how we choose our clothing reveals what is going on inside our hearts. What goes through your mind as you look at your wardrobe in the morning? 

I often struggle with an inner battle when I dress for outings.  Too often I am focussed on wanting to look beautiful and to be accepted.  Earlier this week I tried on a dress I thought was rather cute.  I had to fight the temptation to keep the dress because in my heart I knew it would not be a wise choice to wear it.  It was not an easy fight.

I am far from perfect in this area of my life, but what I am realising is:

Modesty is not boring.

Modesty is not old-fashioned.

Modesty is not ugly.

Modesty is beautiful.

Here is what the Bible has to say:

‘Do not let your adorning be external- the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewellery, or the clothing you wear- but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.’ 1 Peter 3:3-5 (ESV)

This is a well-known verse among many Christians with the reminder that beauty really is in the heart of people. What is that draws you to your friends? Is it the clothes they wear, or how beautiful you think they are on the outside? Or is it what flows out from their hearts?

‘Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire.’ 1 Timothy 2:9 (ESV)

In this verse, Paul is not suggesting we should not style our hair or never wear jewellery, or that we should wear sacks to cover ourselves up. Paul is suggesting we shift from focusing so much on our outward selves, and instead look at what is going on in our hearts and character.

Modesty is beautiful. In True Beauty, authors Carolyn Mahaney and Nicole Whitacre describe modesty as ‘a reverence for God and respect for others in our dress.’ A modest woman is a beautiful woman as she values her body created by God, and adopts an attitude that seeks to serve and love Christ in her dress.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss shares her thoughts on modesty in her book Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free:

‘The outward appearance of the Christian woman is to reflect a heart that is simple, pure, and well-ordered; her clothing and hairstyles should not be distracting or draw attention to herself by being extravagant, extreme or indecent. In this way, she reflects the truth condition of her heart and her relationship with the Lord, and she makes the Gospel attractive to the world.’ (Page 81)

I would like to encourage and challenge you to think about where God sits in your life as you think about what you wear.   One place to start is to ask yourself some questions:

• ·         Am I honouring to God by wearing this?
• ·         What does this outfit reveal about my heart?
• ·         Am I wanting to impress someone, or do I desire to imitate God?

Society believes (and some Christians believe) there is no place for modesty today. Will you prayerfully consider what you put on inside and outside of your body?   Will you seek God on how you can see modesty is beautiful?

Taste and See the Lord is good... for the single woman?

Do you think God is good in your singleness? Do you believe in God’s Sovereignty in your singleness?

God is good. All the time. This was a saying at my hometown church. The pastor would begin by saying, ‘God is good.’ And the congregation would respond with, ‘All the time, God is good.’ For me, this was a helpful reminder on an important Biblical truth: God is good.

Do I always believe those words? As I navigate life as a young single woman who desires marriage but feels it’s so far from reach, do I always believe God is good?

I don’t. And I can only guess I am not alone.

One of my favourite people in the Bible is King David. David consistently draws me into his words with his raw honesty in the Psalms, his journey to genuine repentance, and his humble praises of God the midst of constant suffering.

Recently I have been reading Psalm 34 and it has challenged me to question, ‘do I really think God is good in my singleness?’ I have watched friends get married and it is a joyous occasion. I have watched friends glow with pregnancy and it is a very exciting time. But both of these things have been deep desires of mine since I was much younger, so sometimes I walk away feeling the sting of hurt and I want to question God: where is Your goodness?

Quite simply, His goodness is everywhere. In verse 34, David writes, ‘Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!’ (ESV)

This is an interesting yet seemingly mismatched combination of senses but there is a method to his writing. David urges his readers to experience with their senses the goodness of God. David is giving an example that we, as children of God, have the ability to experience a more personal and intimate way of knowing God’s goodness.

God is good, and He is good in singleness.

There are (at least) two reasons I can say this confidently today:

• Singleness does not define me. Singleness may be temporary or may be for the rest of my life. Ultimately my identity comes from God. I may be single now, but there is more to me than whether I am married or not. I am a daughter, a friend, and I have many interests, dreams and goals. I am also a child of God and even in my singleness, am being used for God’s glory. This goes for you too.
• Every day there are blessings that come from God. When there is an aspect of my life that I struggle to see the good in (e.g. my singleness) I can look in other areas and find the goodness of God. Sometimes it is as simple as seeing the sun rise. When I am having a bad day or I am struggling to see God’s goodness in my circumstances I often cling to a passage in Lamentations 3 that talks about God’s mercies being new everyday (verses 22 and 23).

David is one example of struggling with circumstances but he chooses to believe in God’s goodness. This is where I am challenged to embrace my singleness and choose to see God’s goodness in my life.

The next time you hear someone say, ‘God is good’, will you be able to confidently respond with ‘all the time, God is good?’ I pray we will. Singleness isn’t easy, but God remains faithful and true and we can hold fast to the truth He is good. All the time.

Do you have hope when Christmas changes?

The Christmas season is here. I have a few friends who have been counting down since July. Now we are faced with the reality that Christmas is 2 and a half weeks away. Often there are multitudes of emotions attached to that reality.

For some, there is a tinge of dread at the first sight of decorations appearing in the shops. For others, there is excitement and some people have been planning and buying presents throughout the year. The Christmas season is a busy time, sometimes even stressful. Even though it is a time to celebrate the birth of Jesus, and theoretically should be full of joy, there can still be an immense amount of pain associated with it for some people.

Christmas day is rarely a traditional happy-family day for everyone. I know my Christmas’ growing up never replicated a Disney Christmas. In fact, Christmas was very similar year-to-year until the year my mum died.

The year mum died was also the year I had moved out of home. Christmas had changed. Not only was my family having to face one less person around, I was also beginning to face the dilemma of whether to travel back home and spend Christmas with my family, or stay where I was and spend it with my then-boyfriend’s family. The decision was not a hard one because Christmas with my family was very important to me, especially since my younger sisters were still quite young when our mother had died. I, unintentionally, tried to take on the mother role over Christmas and ensure there were still plenty of presents under the tree for my younger siblings. I wanted to try to keep Christmas as ‘normal’ as possible. The true Christmas spirit was not really a priority for me—instead it became about my family, trying to please them, and in doing so believing that I could fix their pain.

Since moving back to my home-town, Christmastime has changed yet again. I have two immediate families I get to spend the day with. However, that is not because I have married and now have my husband’s family to consider. Instead, I have adopted another family. Even though Christmas still does bring some mixed emotions, I know I am actually in a pretty blessed position as a young, single woman. I have twice the family to be around in an otherwise hard and painful time. Many singles, by the time they are my age, are living by themselves or with friends, and probably far from any immediate family.

While Christmas this year is slightly different and I am fighting the ache of still being single and childless, there are a number of blessings I remind myself of:

• ·        I do not have the fear of facing holidays alone.
• ·        I do not have to face setting a table for one, and the conundrums of planning a meal for one.
• ·        I do not have to question if it is worth putting up a Christmas tree or whether I should buy a present for myself.
• ·        I also do not have to worry about being quizzed by relatives on why I am still single.
• ·        Most of all, I have family surrounding me.

These blessings are only minute compared to the real truth behind Christmas. The real truth that easily gets buried among the focus on family, let alone the present buying, meal planning, travelling, end-of-year parties and school presentations. This truth remains good news no matter what has happened throughout the year. It is a truth I am challenging myself to remember and hold onto as I approach another different Christmas.

The good news the angel brought to the shepherds 2000 years ago on that first Christmas:

‘I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, who is Christ the Lord’ Luke 2:10-11. (ESV)

How are you facing a different Christmas?

Do you want to know more about this ‘good news’? Drop me a line and we can chat. 

Do you believe freedom is possible?

If you asked me what sin I struggle with the most, I do not think pride would be at the top of the list. That is not to say I do not struggle with pride at all. A couple of years ago, I went through a period in my life where I believed, deep down, my sin was too big for God. I believed, whole-heartedly, I was trapped in the self-destructive life I had chosen. I believed I could not be free. I believed, even if God could, He would not want to free me. I was believing lies. Although it may not seem like it, this, my friends, is still pride.

I spent many months believing these lies even though I did not have any proof. Being that I am human, my heart is faulty. I can question where these lies came from- was it my perfectionistic tendencies, my people-pleasing nature, or failing to live up to expectation? Ultimately, it begins with our sinful nature leading to a faulty heart.

Whether it was one or a combination of those scenarios, the point was, I was squashing the Truth of the Gospel. I was ignoring the Truth that I am loved (John 3:16), I have been set free (Galatians 5:1) and I am forgiven (Ephesian 1:7). I was sinking deeper into a hole only God could get me out of. The deeper I was falling, the louder the lies were becoming. I was hearing, and believing:

You are not worth it.
You are not good enough.
You deserve to destroy yourself.
You will never be free.
You are not worthy of freedom.

Lies. We all hear lies. They are not uncommon. It is Satan’s trick to bring us down and draw us away from God and His Truth. Thankfully, with any lie, there is always the Truth. By God’s Grace, He brought some people into my life who persevered in speaking the Truth to me so that I believed I could be free. When I faced temptation or when I began to feel hopeless and lost, ‘Jesus is Bigger’ became the motto to remind me of the Truth. When I think my sin is too big for God to forgive and begin to shy away from approaching God, I pull out Psalm 103:12, ‘as far as the east is from the west, so far does He remove our transgressions from us.’ (ESV) The verse reminds me of how strong God’s forgiveness is.

Have you ever believed you could not be free? Have you ever believed your sin was too big for God? There is good news for you! The Bible is full of examples of Jesus being bigger than anything else. The greatest example is His resurrection. If Jesus can overcome death, I think He is bigger than any sin, problem, sickness, doubt and lie there is. Unfortunately, because we live in a sinful world, these will still be present until Jesus comes back again but He is still bigger!

Here are some of the ways I have chosen to believe the Truth:

• Surrounding myself with Christian community. I need the encouragement of fellow brothers and sisters. I attend a bible study once a week, and I also meet up with a couple of girls regularly to pray and have accountability.
• Praying each day to renounce the lies and believe the Truth. For the past 2 years or so, I have been praying a prayer at night for protection of my heart and mind. The Bible encourages us to take every thought captive. (2 Corinthians 10:5)
• Memorising Scripture. Having verses up around the home and workplace is great. For example, the mirror in my bathroom has ‘Truth = Freedom’ and ‘The Armour of God’. The mirror can be a place where lies begin to form so it is important to remind myself of the Truth. A couple of my favourite verses on freedom are Galatians 5:1 and Galatians 5:13.

Jesus is bigger and I am still human. I need to continue to work at fighting pride, renouncing lies, and reminding myself of the Truth. Jesus is bigger than my pride, Jesus is bigger than the lies, Jesus is bigger than my sin. Jesus is bigger!!

Celebrating the Quiet Victories

Imagine throwing a party every time a hurdle in life is overcome. The champagne gets broken out, streamers and balloons are hung up around the room, a cake is baked and iced ready to eat, and people are invited and ready to dance to a selected playlist of music. There are many victories that are not celebrated and it would be silly if there was a party each and every time. Life really would be a party!

There are some culturally accepted victories (most of us celebrate):

• ·         Reaching a year older
• ·         Passing a driving test
• ·         Getting a first job
• ·         Graduating

But within each of us we have personal battles and personal victories. The person next door may be struggling with insecurity, low self-esteem and anytime they walk in the room without apologising is a victory. The person who sits next to you at church may be battling anxiety and it is a victory they made it to the service. A work colleague may be battling depression and each day they turn up to work is a victory.

Each person’s victory is different but it does not make any of them less ‘celebrated’. The past two years have been full of victories for me. One of them has been a progression of overcoming fear in various areas of my life. Although I have usually been the last person to see them as victories, they are milestones all the same. I have a tendency, and I am sure many others have as well, to minimise any steps taken forward. If I look back over some of my past fears, I can chuckle as they seem trivial now.

Each step of overcoming fear is valid to celebrate. Maybe not to the extent of a party, but to acknowledge the step taken and thank God for giving you the strength. The steps I take to move forward in my life are different from the next person. When each step is taken to move forward, I picture Jesus celebrating in Heaven on our behalf. The power of the cross shows Jesus overcame death. With Jesus on my side, I can have strength to keep moving forward.

Whatever my personal victories may seem like or look like to someone else, each one is evidence of the grace of God in my life. When I look back over my life, not only do I feel thankful for the strength and hope of Jesus to have gotten me to this point, but I also see the growth that has allowed me to reach where I am in life now.

There is, however still one fear I have not yet overcome: spiders. Ironically, I write this post after having spotted a large sized spider hiding behind the couch I normally sit in. Even after I (so courageously) sprayed it and moved it outside, I am spending the evening cautiously sitting on another seat. Just in case. Maybe God is not finished with me yet!

And God is not finished with you yet, either. What is one quiet victory from this past week you can celebrate?

Friendship

The lessons of growing up never get old. Society’s milestone of turning the legal age of 18 does not mean our brains automatically become filled with all things wisdom and knowledge. I am sure there are some people who think that happens. But to remain grounded in the tumultuous journey of life, I think it is important to be open to what you can learn and how you can grow.

This Season of Singleness: Doomed or Destined?

I grew up with the expectation that I would be married by my early twenties. I expected I would be able to have as many children as I decided (which changed from 2-6 multiple times!). It did not occur to me that I might be single for an undetermined time. The people that I knew who were single past their twenties were few and far between. In my mind, eventually they would get married.

Enter my late teens. Despite what I knew of God’s standards for Christian relationships, I turned away from, ‘do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers’ (2 Corinthians 6:14). I thought I knew better. I thought that being with someone, even a non-Christian, was better than being single.