Taste and See the Lord is good... for the single woman?

Do you think God is good in your singleness? Do you believe in God’s Sovereignty in your singleness?

God is good. All the time. This was a saying at my hometown church. The pastor would begin by saying, ‘God is good.’ And the congregation would respond with, ‘All the time, God is good.’ For me, this was a helpful reminder on an important Biblical truth: God is good.

Do I always believe those words? As I navigate life as a young single woman who desires marriage but feels it’s so far from reach, do I always believe God is good?

I don’t. And I can only guess I am not alone.

One of my favourite people in the Bible is King David. David consistently draws me into his words with his raw honesty in the Psalms, his journey to genuine repentance, and his humble praises of God the midst of constant suffering.

Recently I have been reading Psalm 34 and it has challenged me to question, ‘do I really think God is good in my singleness?’ I have watched friends get married and it is a joyous occasion. I have watched friends glow with pregnancy and it is a very exciting time. But both of these things have been deep desires of mine since I was much younger, so sometimes I walk away feeling the sting of hurt and I want to question God: where is Your goodness?

Quite simply, His goodness is everywhere. In verse 34, David writes, ‘Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!’ (ESV)

This is an interesting yet seemingly mismatched combination of senses but there is a method to his writing. David urges his readers to experience with their senses the goodness of God. David is giving an example that we, as children of God, have the ability to experience a more personal and intimate way of knowing God’s goodness.

God is good, and He is good in singleness.

There are (at least) two reasons I can say this confidently today:

• Singleness does not define me. Singleness may be temporary or may be for the rest of my life. Ultimately my identity comes from God. I may be single now, but there is more to me than whether I am married or not. I am a daughter, a friend, and I have many interests, dreams and goals. I am also a child of God and even in my singleness, am being used for God’s glory. This goes for you too.
• Every day there are blessings that come from God. When there is an aspect of my life that I struggle to see the good in (e.g. my singleness) I can look in other areas and find the goodness of God. Sometimes it is as simple as seeing the sun rise. When I am having a bad day or I am struggling to see God’s goodness in my circumstances I often cling to a passage in Lamentations 3 that talks about God’s mercies being new everyday (verses 22 and 23).

David is one example of struggling with circumstances but he chooses to believe in God’s goodness. This is where I am challenged to embrace my singleness and choose to see God’s goodness in my life.

The next time you hear someone say, ‘God is good’, will you be able to confidently respond with ‘all the time, God is good?’ I pray we will. Singleness isn’t easy, but God remains faithful and true and we can hold fast to the truth He is good. All the time.

Do you have hope when Christmas changes?

The Christmas season is here. I have a few friends who have been counting down since July. Now we are faced with the reality that Christmas is 2 and a half weeks away. Often there are multitudes of emotions attached to that reality.

For some, there is a tinge of dread at the first sight of decorations appearing in the shops. For others, there is excitement and some people have been planning and buying presents throughout the year. The Christmas season is a busy time, sometimes even stressful. Even though it is a time to celebrate the birth of Jesus, and theoretically should be full of joy, there can still be an immense amount of pain associated with it for some people.

Christmas day is rarely a traditional happy-family day for everyone. I know my Christmas’ growing up never replicated a Disney Christmas. In fact, Christmas was very similar year-to-year until the year my mum died.

The year mum died was also the year I had moved out of home. Christmas had changed. Not only was my family having to face one less person around, I was also beginning to face the dilemma of whether to travel back home and spend Christmas with my family, or stay where I was and spend it with my then-boyfriend’s family. The decision was not a hard one because Christmas with my family was very important to me, especially since my younger sisters were still quite young when our mother had died. I, unintentionally, tried to take on the mother role over Christmas and ensure there were still plenty of presents under the tree for my younger siblings. I wanted to try to keep Christmas as ‘normal’ as possible. The true Christmas spirit was not really a priority for me—instead it became about my family, trying to please them, and in doing so believing that I could fix their pain.

Since moving back to my home-town, Christmastime has changed yet again. I have two immediate families I get to spend the day with. However, that is not because I have married and now have my husband’s family to consider. Instead, I have adopted another family. Even though Christmas still does bring some mixed emotions, I know I am actually in a pretty blessed position as a young, single woman. I have twice the family to be around in an otherwise hard and painful time. Many singles, by the time they are my age, are living by themselves or with friends, and probably far from any immediate family.

While Christmas this year is slightly different and I am fighting the ache of still being single and childless, there are a number of blessings I remind myself of:

• ·        I do not have the fear of facing holidays alone.
• ·        I do not have to face setting a table for one, and the conundrums of planning a meal for one.
• ·        I do not have to question if it is worth putting up a Christmas tree or whether I should buy a present for myself.
• ·        I also do not have to worry about being quizzed by relatives on why I am still single.
• ·        Most of all, I have family surrounding me.

These blessings are only minute compared to the real truth behind Christmas. The real truth that easily gets buried among the focus on family, let alone the present buying, meal planning, travelling, end-of-year parties and school presentations. This truth remains good news no matter what has happened throughout the year. It is a truth I am challenging myself to remember and hold onto as I approach another different Christmas.

The good news the angel brought to the shepherds 2000 years ago on that first Christmas:

‘I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, who is Christ the Lord’ Luke 2:10-11. (ESV)

How are you facing a different Christmas?

Do you want to know more about this ‘good news’? Drop me a line and we can chat. 

Celebrating the Quiet Victories

Imagine throwing a party every time a hurdle in life is overcome. The champagne gets broken out, streamers and balloons are hung up around the room, a cake is baked and iced ready to eat, and people are invited and ready to dance to a selected playlist of music. There are many victories that are not celebrated and it would be silly if there was a party each and every time. Life really would be a party!

There are some culturally accepted victories (most of us celebrate):

• ·         Reaching a year older
• ·         Passing a driving test
• ·         Getting a first job
• ·         Graduating

But within each of us we have personal battles and personal victories. The person next door may be struggling with insecurity, low self-esteem and anytime they walk in the room without apologising is a victory. The person who sits next to you at church may be battling anxiety and it is a victory they made it to the service. A work colleague may be battling depression and each day they turn up to work is a victory.

Each person’s victory is different but it does not make any of them less ‘celebrated’. The past two years have been full of victories for me. One of them has been a progression of overcoming fear in various areas of my life. Although I have usually been the last person to see them as victories, they are milestones all the same. I have a tendency, and I am sure many others have as well, to minimise any steps taken forward. If I look back over some of my past fears, I can chuckle as they seem trivial now.

Each step of overcoming fear is valid to celebrate. Maybe not to the extent of a party, but to acknowledge the step taken and thank God for giving you the strength. The steps I take to move forward in my life are different from the next person. When each step is taken to move forward, I picture Jesus celebrating in Heaven on our behalf. The power of the cross shows Jesus overcame death. With Jesus on my side, I can have strength to keep moving forward.

Whatever my personal victories may seem like or look like to someone else, each one is evidence of the grace of God in my life. When I look back over my life, not only do I feel thankful for the strength and hope of Jesus to have gotten me to this point, but I also see the growth that has allowed me to reach where I am in life now.

There is, however still one fear I have not yet overcome: spiders. Ironically, I write this post after having spotted a large sized spider hiding behind the couch I normally sit in. Even after I (so courageously) sprayed it and moved it outside, I am spending the evening cautiously sitting on another seat. Just in case. Maybe God is not finished with me yet!

And God is not finished with you yet, either. What is one quiet victory from this past week you can celebrate?

Friendship

The lessons of growing up never get old. Society’s milestone of turning the legal age of 18 does not mean our brains automatically become filled with all things wisdom and knowledge. I am sure there are some people who think that happens. But to remain grounded in the tumultuous journey of life, I think it is important to be open to what you can learn and how you can grow.

This Season of Singleness: Doomed or Destined?

I grew up with the expectation that I would be married by my early twenties. I expected I would be able to have as many children as I decided (which changed from 2-6 multiple times!). It did not occur to me that I might be single for an undetermined time. The people that I knew who were single past their twenties were few and far between. In my mind, eventually they would get married.

Enter my late teens. Despite what I knew of God’s standards for Christian relationships, I turned away from, ‘do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers’ (2 Corinthians 6:14). I thought I knew better. I thought that being with someone, even a non-Christian, was better than being single.

In the beginning...

2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

I always struggle with titles of blogs, not to mention blog post titles. I am hardly going to go ‘back to the beginning’ of my life or when ‘this’ started or anything. This is going to be the beginning of choosing to see the grace in all seasons of my life. It’s going to be a way to look forward.